Easy Decisions that are hard to deal with.
Today at about 3 PM we had a call from the doctor. He was calling to let us know about the FISH results. From what I have read this test is very accurate and the way to test for trisomy 18,13 and 21 (Downs).
So we are left with the knowlege that our baby Kennedy will not survive. It is certain that she will die shortly after birth and likely that she wont make it to delivery.
This makes it really hard to deal with. We are going to do everything we can for Kennedy over the time that we have. Part of this is carrying to term. It was surprising to me that this was even a decision. I was told, NOT in a suggestive way, that there are doctors that would perform a DNC at this point for us. Let me make it clear that this was not suggested, it was mentioned only.
We will not do that. So far Carol and I agree that we are going to carry to term or as long as we are allowed. What does this mean for Carol and Kennedy?
It means that Carol will wait for the time to come. It will either be early or on time and either with a live baby or an angel. Each day she will wait for a kick from Kennedy. "I am still here" Kennedy will need to say before Carol can relax for that day.
Realistically Kennedy has fallen 2 weeks behind in development. As we go farther forward with th pregnancy Kennedy is likely to fall further behind until finally she does not continue to live. This is the hardest part right now. Carol has said that she feels that her tummy is getting smaller and she has lost 1 lb.
This week I will begin the task of planning a funeral for Kennedy. I cant say that I have ever been a part of the planning process before, so I will be taking this on alone. I want to get everything in line so that when the time comes Carol can help make decisions but not need to wait for information. If I can make anything easier for her I will.
Overall we are trying to be as positive as we can. There is a lot that we can do and we have a lot to look forward to. There is a chance that Kennedy will make it to term and that we will be able to see her.
5/26/2005 12:28:18 AM